Inexcusable In Me

" Forgive others as quickly as you expect God forgives you." 

Its easier said than done, and its definitely true. The night is long enough to spend for a crack in the heart. And its absolutely heavy in the mind and it won't make you sleep when you have a little hatred in your heart. 

Todays duty was not as busy as I was expecting it. Patients flow was on a regular basis, nor late neither early. I like it because it gives me the confidence that I'll be home at 9:20 pm and I'll be heading to cook a viand for myself. I think eight hours of work is enough for a day and the rest of my time will be spend into a more productive things aside from duty in the clinic and dealing with Arab and Filipino patients. Anyways, as the time is fast approaching, the last patients' procedure was bracketing, it means, we need to double the time. We finished the work at exactly 9:07 pm and my doctor allowed me to go home. Everybody is busy on their own instruments and some went down and went to the van. I saw them in a hurry and clearly stated that I am going to be with them. When everything was finished, I went down at exactly 9:12 pm and in my astonishment, they were gone. What a holy guacamolly! I tried to call them but then the signal was on a mood to help me. Okey then, instead of wasting my time waiting for a miracle, I went on a taxi and went home.

While on the taxi, there is a tiny problem on my heart that makes me feel uneasy. I am freaking mad at them, why they didn't wait for me? Why they cannot wait just for a couple of minutes? My mind is screaming to curse the driver of the van, but then I need to focus on the road because I am alone in the taxi. So, i just calm myself. Everything was fine along the way but when I entered in our accommodation and saw them, I intentionally brag the door and everyone looked at me and they already knew that I am mad. Instead of talking, I zip my mouth, and tie my tongue so I won't say bad things even if my mind is screaming in anger. 

The plan was busted, no more cooking! I just looked for a different food and yeah! I found a grapes, plum and orange. Eat it and calm down, listen to music and everything went ordinary. While listening to music and reading some of the blogs, I came across this quote by C.S Lewis:



I am not proclaiming that I am a perfect Christian, Okey. I acknowledge before my God that I am a sinner. But anyways, thats another topic to be discussed. Lets go back to the business. 

I read it three times and looking back at the scenario, its my fault actually because my Doctor allowed me already to go home and yet I went back to assist her. And I assume that they will wait for me. And another thing, I brag the door and don't look at my housemates eyes (means I am mad). Oh! what an inexcusable reason to act like that and feel that way.

I asked myself "Did God ever get mad at me whenever I disappoint Him? And most of the time failed  and leave Him?" What a lame and shame on my part! God always forgives me whenever I fail, whenever I am late, whenever I hurt Him and now that I failed to cook, I am late on my scheduled plan and I feel hurt because they left me, I get mad? 

And should I be thankful because I ate fruits today which is good to my health  because I am planning to fry a dried and salty fish which is not quite good to my health? Salty and oily fish? Should I be thankful because I went home safe and sound and the taxi driver is not a rapist? Yes! I should be thankful and grateful because God did all of these for my own good.

Therefore, when a mans heart is mad and his plan was ruined by others, most of the time they forgot that God will guide them into a better situation.  As written in Psalm 4:4 👼🏼"Do not sin by letting anger control you, think about it overnight and remain silent."

-Kimmy



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