I've said a lot of Hi's, Hello's and often too many goodbyes, too many to even remember, but I think this would be the last one. This is the day that I've finally say and to be honest, I think about it too many times, not because I was waiting for it, but in contrary, I was afraid for this day to come.
It took me a thousand years ago to be able to realize that I'd be able to truly let go of something that never happened and it will not happen, ever.
Thank You for your friendship and companionship throughout our entire conversation, almost three months of long distance talk, for me is forever, in my world, unbeknown to you.
I had a pleasant time hearing your calm voice over my earpods, and telling jokes about various stuff around us. I had even bullied you many times and laugh about how stupid we are. We're not close when were in high school which is so ridiculous because we had that three months to summarize our four years highschool life. Theres nothing special about us talking about our highschool days, I find it normal between two people. And nothing special for you and me.
I enjoyed listening to your stories, especially when you talked about your plans of having a future family, of how will you take good care of your wife and your children and on how you will handle every situation that will arise in the near future to become a good husband and father. I liked it when you also talked about your mom, brothers and letting me know their situation and birthday. I liked it when your telling stories about your day at work. I had so much fun knowing some of your closest friends. We've been comfortable with each other. We've been laughing together and shared random ideas about religions, politics, art, places and the thought of wedding celebration and life after it.
In that span of time, I felt something, it was a bizarre feeling. I was praying that this time it would be real. I was hoping that this feeling would come up into something called 'LOVE' in between. And I felt there would always be a hope for both of us - that there would be 'US'.
But that hope was gone. One day you told me about your past relationship and you were crying. You told me that it was complicated. I didn't get it. I don't understand. We almost had it all. W
You broke my heart. You inflicted pain. I was hurt. I was vexed.
Why would you waste your time if its complicated? How can you sleep when you know someone is hurting that much? Why did you let me feel this way towards you?
The real thing was, you're not into me. The truth is you just needed a friend, someone you can lean on, a shoulder to cry and a friend who would listen. You look at me as a friend but for me, it was more than that. Perhaps, we were not meant to be 'US', not 'you and me' together with the so-called 'LOVE' in between but on a friend-zone parameters.
I was praying and certain that you were happy on the decision you've made. I was hoping that one day when I look into your eye, you'll tell me that you've made the right choice, that she was the future wife and mother of your kids you were tellling over my earpods. That she was the one for you and meant to be with you forever.
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| Beanie/Old Navy/Bag/Sakrooti/Jacket/TESCO/Warmer Stockings/F21/Ankle Booty/TESCO |
And I would like to tell you, I will always cherish you. I have learned a lot about myself. I am not yet sure if I truly fell in love with you but whatever I felt for you will always be one of my bittersweet memories. I believe that such despair and pain was made to make me stronger, better than yesterday and think maturely. For now, this open letter and confession will stay in my lil' space of mine because it's the best fight I can give for the feelings I have for you. Its still so cowardly, yes, but its my best shot at the moment. As always, thank you and good-bye.
